Not largely known, the National Costume Society and the International Theme Song Consortium have been retained again by both US political parties to help in polishing up the upcoming National Conventions. These companies are highly regarded resources to political elites as a planning aide in the US and abroad in Europe.There usual tasks are to recommend token costume items (badges, sayings on balloons, paper ties and the like) plus the theme song for the convention to be used by the nominees and delegates. It does become more challenging each time to come up with something that surpasses a previous convention.

This year the two agencies thought it best to form a Joint Exploration Committee and conduct a random survey of citizens to help determine appropriate decisions.  3 months were spent in a well formed random survey.  The team decided to survey the following citizen samples: the homeless, the jobless, the Veterans dying from depleted uranium and bio-weapon exposures, the citizens immobilized or dying from designer virus vaccines, the citizens suffering from chemtrail fallout,  the wives and children of Veterans with serious illness who are denied service and benefits, and those in recovery from Monarch and MK Ultra slave programming.

After a month of review, input, and discussion, the Committee presented

the following recommendations:

1.    To the Republicons of the Grand Ole Robotoid Party (GORP)

For the token costume item,  we suggest the candidates and delegates wear an organic replica of Pinocchio's nose. We believe this would hold the citizen interest in the show to a maximum.  They can watch noses grow. They can even place bets. How fast will they grow?  Will they grow at varied rates?  Who will have the longest noses at the end of the show?  And the long shot.  Will any of the noses grow into an elephant's trunk?

The theme song we suggest for you this year is an adaptation of "Send In The Clowns", written by one of our consultants.  Other songs considered before this choice included; " No Thanks For The Memories", "16 Tons And What Da Ya Get",  "I Walk The Line", "The Great Pretender", and "Ain't It A Shame".

The Winner Theme Song: "Send In The Clones"

My aren't we rich,

Money from thin air,

Me here at last in the ground,

Nose in mid-air.

Send in the clones.

Isn't it bliss?

You need not approve,

One who keeps tearing around,

One who can't move.

Where are the clones?

Send in my clones.

Just when I stopped opening doors,

Finally knowing I want all that is yours,

Making our entrance again with usual flair,

Not sure of my lines,

My handler is not there!

Don't you love farce,

Not our fault we fear,

We want what we want,

Sorry, my dear.

But where are my clones?

Quick, send in the clones.

Oh, I see they're all here.

My aren't we rich!

Isn't it queer,

Losing our timing so late

In our career?

And where are my clones?

There ought to be more clones.

Why are they not here?

2.    To The Demonicrats Party.

Our survey said the people were not real sure about the role or function of your Super delegates and what the candidates are actually talking about. We would recommend the use of 2 token costume items that would address these issues.  We believe they would provide the look that would help achieve the audience participation rating you are wanting.

For the Super delegates, during the singing and playing of the theme song, we recommend a full body jack ass suit with the added feature of

black and white horizontal stripes and dancing the Texas Two Step in unison during theme song presentation. The token costume item we recommend for candidates and delegates, drawn from the ancient tradition of chin adornment used by the Pharaohs, would be a 12" long donkey tail attached to each chin. This would at least aid the citizen viewers to know exactly from which part of the anatomy the words are coming from.

The theme song we recommend this year for your show is an adaptation of the famous song "My Way".  Runner up songs we worked with included "I'm a Yankee Doodle Donkey", "Am I Black Or Am I White", "Puppet Man", "Whiskey River Take My Mind",  "Follow The Yellow Brick Road" and "Money Money Money".

The Winning Theme Song:  "Our Way"

We hear the end is near,

What a joke, a final curtain!

To all, we say it clear,

Of our case, we are quite certain.

We live a life that's bull,

We tax each and every highway.

And more, much more than this,

We do it Our Way.

Regrets, not even a few,

And so, they get no mention.

We did as we're told to do,

And saw it through in each exemption.

We planned each charted course,

Each careful step along the byway.

And yes, much more than this,

We did it Our Way.

Yes, there were times we did turn blue,

And swallowed more than we could chew.

But through it all, when there was doubt,

We chewed it again, and spit it out.

We faced it all and we stood small,

We did it Our Way.

We've not loved, yes laughed, almost cried,

We've had our share of fake losing.

As the fake tears subside,

For us, it is quite amusing.

To think we did all that,

And may we say, not in a shy way.

No, oh no not us,

This is Our Way.

For what is a clone, what has he got?

If not himself, then he has naught.

To say the things, he thinks he feels,

In words from all the reels.

The record shows, we've dealt the blows,

Yes, we did it Our Way.

In closing, our final recommendation to each party is to post a famous patriotic saying on your billboards at the entrance. We believe the one that follows would be a good model.

Mark Twain was on an afternoon walk in Hannibal when a man stopped him to ask a question.  "Mr. Twain, do you think our politicians are involved with tainted money?"  Mark Twain rolled his cigar in his mouth abit, looked up at the sky a moment or two, then said, "Well, Kind Sir,  It sure tain't your money and sure tain't my money any more, now is it!"

anton@koyote.com